A Signature to New Dawn

‘Count the number of steps while you climb and then you will know how impactful the fall will be’

Anu’s Diary

SOLUS

Note: This is my first attempt in writing a poem. It depicts the tragedy of a life without dreams……. Solus means alone or by oneself

My Dreams, the wanderers,
set on a quest, unknown to me;
Their chains with me removed.
As free birds, they rove,
without the burden of me that slow their pace;
They set out, leaping in joy, breathing in the new air of freedom,
the freshness of being themselves, separated from me….

And I have been left out, in this dark dense forest of life,
in solitude, with none to lean or none to lead;
I faint as I am drained off my energy: the source were them,my mighty dreams.

I try in vane and struggle to stand,
shaky legs and heavy chest.
Without them, I lost my breath;
Paralyzed body and paralyzed soul;
And I trod, inch by inch,
Trying to reach out somewhere;
But with them, gone are my sense and memory,
I feel lost in the long path of life: they were my torch bearers.

Though the chain bearer, I was dependent, solely on them: my winsome dreams;

Again my eyes, search for them and I get a glimpse,
they are far, too far for me to catch up.

So I embrace the earth, back to the haven , the journey to my final destination;
Consciousness dying away, the final petal of life withering and flying away,
finally falling asleep,
I saw them again, my dreams,
This time walking away : with my soul……

THE DECISION

” Who are you to question me?”, he lashed at her, enraged, his voice breaking the ceilings. She looked around the room to ensure that the windows and doors were properly shut. The last thing she wanted was her kids to hear the raging voice and those aggressive fights.But, his voice was loud enough to reach the other room where her kids slept peacefully.
Young Kabani held her ears closer to the door. Once again, with trembling hands, she ensured that the door was bolted. That was what her mother had instructed , or else their dad may beat them too. She looked at her 3 year old sister, Kalindi who was sleeping peacefully. Kabani checked on her again to make sure that she slept undisturbed.The last thing Kabani wanted was Kalindi waking up to witness the daily ruckus staged at their home, every night. At least, she should be able to love her dad up to some point. Kabani had put a cease to that long back. During mornings, her dad woke up as if nothing had happened. His eyes remain closed to their bruised mother, the wounds mostly gifted by him or his hard shoes. Her mother too pretends as if nothing had happened the previous night and continues to don the role of a dutiful wife. But Kabani had had enough of the drama. Her heart ached as she watched each and every scene played at their home, from morning to night, like a daily routine. She hated that movie where her dad turned from hero in the morning to a ruthless villain at night, and her mother from the central heroine to an innocent and helpless victim.
Suddenly, she heard the deafening shatter pf glasses. A spasm of pain hit her as she pictured her mother, pleading like a prey in front of the predator: her father. She tried hard and held herself back from opening the door and rushing to her mother’s side.
Seconds ticked, minutes ran and hours passed. Young Kabani sat near the door listening gravely, waiting for the voices to end . Finally, at one point, she heard her father snoring away.
Cautiously, Kabani opened the door and walked into the other room.

She took her steps carefully, trying hard not to make even the slightest noise. It was painful as she felt like a stealthy thief inside her own home. The door to her parents’ room was half opened. She inched towards the door and peeked inside. She saw her dad, finally asleep after the tumultuous ordeal and her mom, in the corner, with her head resting between her knees. She went and sat beside her, laying her arm over her mother’s shoulder. Her mother was shaken by the touch but felt relieved to notice it was only her daughter.

Kabani’s face changed when she saw the blood trickling down her mother’s wrist. Near to her, she saw the broken glass pieces. She looked at the wall and understood that he had smashed the bottle on her mother’s arm, holding her against the wall.
This time, she looked at her father again , but disgustingly. That was the moment when the last of her happy memories with her dad faded, those memories created long before her dad changed.There was a time when things were different
She ran her fingers through her mother’s hair and wiped the oozing blood with the end of her cloth.
” Let’s leave, mom. Let’s end this drama. That man sleeping there is someone else, mom. There was love and care once ,but now, there is nothing left. ”
Her mother was surprised to hear those words from her 17 year old daughter. Kabani was calm but her mother knew that the decision was made already and all she wanted was her mom’s approval.
” What will we do then? ” her mother felt unsure of what to reply . “He provides us and…”
” And now, taking us for granted.” , Kabani interrupted, her tone filled with bitter angst and an unexplanable vexation.
” Not us, but taking you totally for granted. Let’s face it, mom. Nothing is going to change until we stop our woebegone, monotonous and bogus role play. Kalindi is growing up and I do not want her be in a place where she lives in constant trepidation of what dad is going to do next. ”
Kabani took a pause and looked reassuringly at her mother.
” Let’s get out of this life, mom. Never fear because the fear never helps but only courage to face the problems will.”
Her mother nodded partly and that was all Kabani needed.

In the silence of that night, young Kabani took the strong decision to free themselves from the dark hell. That very night changed her life completely. Kabani helped her mother in mending her wound and took her to the room where her sister slept. Leaving her there, she started packing their belongings. She didn’t feel any huge rush of emotions. All she had in mind was the worry of what lay ahead. She had made the decision but felt a little tensed about that darkness that they are to face. With silent steps, she proceeded once more to her father’s room . He was sleeping, like a dead door nail, snoring aloud. Watching him sleep made her remember those ordeals again. Flashes of images of her mother’s plight ran through her mind: the hushed cries, the hidden bruises and lastly her mother’s lost smile. She knew her mother had grown weak and feeble and also knew that they needed her. Her mother and her innocent sister. Her eyes turned red, deep inside, her feelings transforming from love to hatred for him.“Never in my life” . She muttered as she gave him a final wistful look and slammed the door.
That night, with her sister on her shoulder and her mother besides, Kabani walked away from that drama, feeling rooted and mature, with a strong decision to mold their life, back again to a better one.

Kabani had walked, with her mother and sister, into the open arms of her grandfather, who was waiting for them after she had called and told him about what really was happening. Her mother had never informed any of the chaos in their lives. Kabani could see the tinge of sadness in her grandpa’s eyes but stayed strong. Her mother had collapsed into his arms and wept silently. Kabani had a ruckus of thoughts bubbling in her mind. She had to decide about all the ‘TOMORROWS’ that they are going to live without the provider. Initially, it was grandpa who had helped Kabani in completing her school and college, and also in finding a job for their mother. Slowly the bright colors started to appear in their once dull and colorless life. Kabani went on to become a teacher, just like her mother and gradually, every pieces feel in the place. Little Kalindi grew up and obviously had questions initially about father , but Kabani remained reticent. The questions had stopped in the long run as mother had answers to those for which Kabani never had. There were many ups and downs but they had survived. Survived well enough that the darkness they feared once had never a chance to shadow their life again.
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Kalindi paused and eyed her audience. The entire classroom was listening intently with their eyes glued onto her. Even Ved sir was looking at her, anxiously waiting for her words..
Kalindi took another deep breath before she started again.
She rebuilt our life. It’s been 17 years since that night. She just transformed our lives. When Ved sir had given a chance to all of us to talk about the most influencing personalities in the world, I was unsure. When I asked Kabani about this, she gave a large number of options with vivid and valid explanations. During that time when she was explaining to me, I looked at her. Shades of grey had hit her slightly and yeah, she was 34 now. She had remained unmarried and suddenly I felt the urge to know the reason and I just blurted out. Kabani smiled and told, ‘ Initially, I was fighting against all the odds so as to succeed. I had you and our mother and I wanted us to be independent, strong and obviously happy. That thought was entrenched in my mind, brain and even my heart. You know, Kalindi, Today, I am happy that we have succeeded. Because when I made the decision to move out from Dad that night, all I prayed was that I never regret. Leaving the bread earner was the mom’s last choice but somehow, that moment, I felt it to be the right decision. I wanted to prove that the decision was apt. Of course, I never did till this moment. I am happy this way and forever will be. Sometimes, all you need is the right ones in your life to make it perfect. I have you both, and for me, this is pitch perfect.’
‘What about the future? There might be one day when we will not be with you, either me or mom? Then what?’ I asked.
She spread that beautiful smile again and patted me slightly, ‘ Once I had the same tension and confusion about the future. But as each day passed, that faded away gradually. And today, I really don’t worry about the future, Kabani. Ya, there might be one day but it will be the same, like any other day in my life. We are here to witness all the sunrises and the sunsets that we are destined to, and we sure will do-together or alone.’
Kalindi ended and again looked at her audience. She was met with a loud round of applause.
“Why you chose to talk about your sister then? Your sister had suggested many other famous personalities, nah”. Ved sir enquired.
” Kabani is and will be the most strongest person who have not just influenced but made me the way I am now. Strong people or persons to idolize, as I believe, are definitely not the ones you see in newspapers or the covers of the magazines, who of course, have succeeded in their life in many fields. For me, they are the ones, who, against all the odds, make the choices, the decisions and build their life and that of their loved ones.“