Dear Maria,
If only lost souls could find a way back home…
Regrets haunts my soul as I wander across the world and I am weighed down by guilt and despair. Of things untold and actions unaccounted, of people I ignored and leaving you, the woman I loved.
You listened when no one did. Philip had an intention from the day he took me in. I was for Alvie. But emotions never work that way, isnt it. Finding each other in that sinister house where no one acknowledged the other person. Except for Sarah, she was the mother I never had. But i still feel guilty for that day.
The choices I made, the worst of them that day.. She would’ve been alive if only, if only I had not given in to my selfish feelings over her selfless care and love.
But fate plays a different game on us. For a life we deliberately left to perish, a life was taken away in vengeance.
My dear Maria, if only the dead could whisper deep into ears the truth that has been left out in a ploy to outsmart the evil. If only lost souls could actually have a voice, I would just scream and let you know for once, I am not coming back dear.
For the mistake we did, a price was taken by the person unexpected and you are perishing in that prison. If only you knew…
Noah!
That dreaded day
Sarah was still breathing as I tied a cloth around her head to stop bleeding. My fingers trembled as I held her and waited for Philip to come back. Alvie was nowhere to be seen and I was relieved. She would have screamed and cried and that would draw attention. I was sane enough to know Philip never intended this but the outside world would tell folklores about this. Philip was not known to be a man of kind heart and conscience to them.
Maria was eerily calm on the other hand. Though her gaze was transfixed on us, I knew her mind was somewhere else. I knew that look. It was the same kind when she plots of various ways to escape from this household.
“What are you planning now, Maria?” I asked.
She looked at me as if she woke up from her thoughts. She walked towards the bed and took a pillow and kneeled down near me. For a moment, I could see the shadow of darkness around her and it got me off my guard a bit. She leaned in closer and kept Sarah’s head onto the pillow on the floor and freed me. My hand was still over the wound, pressuring to keep the blood to not flow out. She leaned a bit towards my face and touched it slowly. Of all the other stolen moments like these we shared, the closeness of her body and the warmth of her breath gave me a rush that can never be put in words. After all, we loved each other. But this one, this one felt scary and pure evil. I tried to push her away but she closed in stronger around me and leaned on my shoulder and whispered, “” May be we can escape after all?” And at that moment, I realised what she meant. I knew what the intentions were. The plot that my lady had in her mind formed a picture of itself in my head. I hesitated for a moment.
“No! No! No!” I tried to scream but the voice came out as a faint whisper. I looked over to see if Philip had come back but he was nowhere in sight.
“Think about it. This could be our escape. Philip will have no other choice if he believes that he killed his wife.” With that being said, she released my hand from her head and untied the clothe wrapped around. I sat transfixed, unable to figure out what I really wanted, watching the woman I love turn pure evil for saving ourselves from that prison, watching Sarah bleed out, breathing weakly.
“We are doing wrong, Maria”, I said.
“What else, Noah? If we stay, you marry Alvie and I rot in this household, watching you be with her. We could get away from Shira and her feelings but Alvie. Alvie will definitely get you in the end and I do not want that. I am also a human being and I love you.” She sounded angry and in tears.
“I have to do this but Alvie and Philip will share the blame. And we will leave.” Saying that, she took the small paper weight from the table and hit Sarah on the back of her head again. Sarah stopped breathing.
I was in shock and couldnt respond for another minute while Maria , without any guilt, cleaned the paper weight of her prints on one side.
“Noah!”, she was shouting as she shook me. “Don’t be afraid. We can play this out. All you need is to bring Alvie from her room. Philip will be back any minute with the doctor now.”
I stood up and started walking aimless. Sarah was dead and I didn’t stop Maria. Was I selfish that I betrayed Philip and Sarah, who took me in their home like one of their own. It was not my fault that I fell in love with Maria and wanted to live with her. It was not my fault that Philip was a tyrant and would kill both of us if he came to know about this. Not my fault that Sarah hit her head. It was Philip. But I felt guilty and each step to Alvie’s room felt heavier than before. Somehow, I reached near the door of Alvie’s room. IAs I tried to open the door, I felt a strong thud on the back of my head. A tearing pain formed around my forehead as I could feel the wet warmth of blood trickling on my hair and then it was all darkness.
to be continued
Scribbles of a caffeinated psyche 