Sarah,
I wish I told you how beautiful you looked on our wedding day. Not every woman can carry off the crimson orange color the way you can. But I have never told you about it. Or the fact that your smile always lit up my heart. But as years passed by, you started to smile lesser and lesser until there was none left. How can a man bound to being groomed the future patriarch of the house harbor such petite emotions? Or so I believed. Everytime, I wanted to express something nice, I swallowed it with the same speed it rushed into my veins. I was to show no emotions of love or care, but do my duties rightfully. Men are supposed to work hard and women are supposed to take care of the home. My father taught me that. Him, may be his father. It was a very wrong lesson to pass on. By the time, the realization dawned into my narrow mind, it had become very late.
You were dead. Shiru hates me. Alvie.. Well Alvie is still the same. Poor Noah had to disappear.
And Maria.. I hope you can understand my decision to marry her. Some secrets had to be buried within the four walls and some people had to be martyred alive for it. Maria, she is my biggest fear and deepest regret. But whom shall I hold and cry my heart out? Or confess my feelings too.
Every month, with a heavy heart, I carry the letter from Alvie to Noah, listen to my Shiru’s telephone calls and watch Maria survive another day at home, like every other day.
I wish you were here. I wish I could pause and rewind and go back to our wedding day. You were looking beautiful in the crimson orange saree with golden boarders. I will whisper to you in ear. I will watch you smile and then steal a kiss every now and then whenever you smile again. I will hold your hand when you give birth to Shiru and then Alvie. We will all laugh together and travel together. Be nice to Shiru and be the father she wanted but firstly, the husband you deserved. Everything else, I know will fall rightly into the place.
In the end, we will all be one beautiful family.
*************************************************************
That Day Back when they Lost it
“Philip” Sarah’s voice was trembling when she addressed him. Peter was busy going through the expenses of Shiru’s wedding .
“Hmm” Philip was too immersed in the accounts and barely listened to the woman. There are accounts to be closed and unwanted spends to be ranted on later.
“I dont think Shiru is happy.”
“Hmm”
“Philip, Are you even listening to me?” Sarah sounded sad this time. She wished for one time if Peter would actually look at her during these conversations.
“Hmmm”.
And that was the final nail in the coffin for her. Sarah jumped from the bed and pulled the accounts book out of Philip’s hand and threw it away. Philip jumped from his chair angrily and slapped Sarah with the back of his hand.
The world turned dark for a moment before Sarah fell on the ground, hitting her head on the ledge of the bed on the way. Everything went blank for her, until a few moments later, when she felt Philip shaking her. She could barely open her eyes but for the first time, she saw tears in his eyes and she felt relieved, realising that the man was still a human behind all his veils. She smiled at him back and slowly raised her hand towards him.
“You are bleeding. Maria, come fast..”, she could feel the concern in his voice. She was still trying to extend her hand towards his face and touch him for one last time. She could feel the blood dripping behind.
Maria and Noah had come running to the room. Sarah could barely understand the whispers between them as she struggled to keep herself awake. Noah was trying to tie a bandage around her head and preventing the flow. She saw Philip standing up and running outside.
“Wait, Sarah. I am getting the doctor.” She heard his voice trailing out as she slowly drifted into sleep.
…………………………….to be continued…..
Scribbles of a caffeinated psyche 