Letters of the Lost Souls – 2

Previous Chapter: https://myscribblessite.wordpress.com/2021/06/02/letters-of-the-lost-souls-1/

Mumma,

You are still in my prayers. After all, that is the only time I get when I can think of anything other than the humans or the chores in this house. I know you are very well aware of it since I had started this struggle ever since I was 15. It is been 27 years now. And you know the only raise I had got in these 20 years. I know you hate me now because I gave you no reasons when I chose to marry Philip. How much I wish to tell that I never had a choice, especially after that dreaded day. I wish I had listened to you that day and took the day off to visit Dad’s grave with you. But you know, he is the very reason I am in all this mess. After all, who else would push a young girl and his wife into the never ending pit of debts and choose the easy way out. Well, I really don’t hate Philip or even Sarah. They took me in and helped us through the tough times. Everyone was good to me, even Alvira and Shira. Yet, I wish… I wish I had listened to you and had not come to this house for work. I hope that you could forgive me… someday.

Love, Maria

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Maria Miriam/ Maria Philip

It was 5 am in the morning. Maria had the small lantern lit beside her on the floor where she sleeps. She had rolled her mattress to the corner and was leaning on to it as a cushion while she re read the letter again. When she blinked her eyes, she wished to see a single drop of tear fall on to the letter and spread the ink. Well, that was the tale during the initial days of her marriage where she had the tears in abundant. The tiny puddles that accompanied her as she tired herself to sleep with her silent shrieks and the little droplets that blotted the ink on the letters that she had written to her Mumma. It is been 15 years since she last spoke to her. Slowly, the tears had dried out and her heart had turned into ice. She could still feel the chills but never the tears. That’s what grief does to you. It is a complicated feeling that you will realise its existence only when you are knee deep into it. It is a marsh that slowly pulls you in and as much as you struggle to get out, it slowly devours you until you fully sink in. And then you learn to breathe within.

“Grief accompanies us in different ways, Maria. Alvira channels her anger in her grief while you.. you had just managed to keep your head out of it. You are still alive”, Noah had said this to her a week before the dreaded day. She remembered being happy then. The entire house still managed to be happy though dysfunctional within. Maria had started working here since she was 15 years old. She was the helping hand for Sarah and a play mate for Alvira and Shira.

Well, now I am deep within the marsh, Noah. She sighed as she crawled closer to the trunk box near the mattress, opened it and kept the letter on top of a pile of letters she had wrote to her mother. Posting them was forbidden by Philip. Any contact had to be done through Philip. She looked up and saw Philip sound asleep on the bed. She remembered the early days when she had imagined strangulating him within his sleep. Yet, she empathised for him because the man had lost more than what he deserved and death always felt like an easy way out for him. Philip had married her out of the necessity he saw and Maria , she never had a choice either. The offer was good enough to refuse. Atleast, Mumma and her younger brother could sleep in peace, without the fear of debts looming over their head which seldom became occassional threats or knocks during the night at their little home. Then, there was little to no choice either.

The day started as usual. The house had to be cleaned, mopped and breakfast had to be on the table by 9am. But this day is different, it is the first of the month and of course that day of the year. Philip had to go out today, Alvie will come down with her letter and the call will come sharply at 11am and Maria had to attend to it. And there was the chicken to debone and the lunch to be made and then the evening will be filled with the air of despair and Philip will start drinking once he is back. And at night, she had to be there for him to lean on to her and cry like a child.

As usual, Alvirahad come down and made her small talk but as if to break the routine, the call came 30 mins before and Alvira had gone to pick up. Maria stood frozen at her place as she watched Alvira try hard to get to know who was on the other end. And as expected, the silence had followed where in Alvira gave up. Even the silence had a justification in that house where everyone held onto the a strange kind of detachment they nurtured for each other.

Maria slowly walked towards the telephone stand and picked up the phone. She noticed Philip reading the newspaper in the living room but she knew it was just a façade and he was actually listening. yet, she waited for Alvira to close the door. That was the rule that was established by the person on the other end. Alvira should neither talk nor listen to her.

“Maria, there?”, a strong angry voice almost shouted from the other end that brought back her to the present. She brought a smile on her face as she gulped her saliva and breathed out as she faintly uttered the next words.

“Hi, Shira”.

to be continued….